The alarm went off at 4am to start our journey to Sitges, it was an early start but the roads were clear at the ungodly hour. We arrived at Leeds & Bradford International Airport (or LABIA as I like to call it). I have literally never seen an airport so busy; apparently it broke records. It was like queuing for Rita, Queen of Speed with the check in girl telling us that ‘once you reach WH Smith you’re wait time is 45 mins’ – thankfully, once fast-tracked through security the flight was less turbulent than Rita, unlike our previous flight into LABIA!
The flight itself was fine; pretty non-eventful and smooth. Shame as it meant i couldn’t justify the normal 3 double whiskeys at 10am. Once landed we were greeted with the delightful smell of what can only be described as sprouts boiling in sewer water – I quickly dubbed the city Arselona which set Paul off singing the old Freddie song with updated, more appropriate lyrics. We headed from the airport to get the train to Sitges. Once on the train to Sitges we were propositioned by a guy selling tissues – which was rather bizarre. We later heard him blatantly offering another passenger a blow job and thought .. hmmm now we know what the tissues are for. Personally, I’d have been inclined to sell wet wipes.
Hilarity met us once in Sitges; we stopped on the way to the hotel to have lunch. It was like watching a crossover sitcom combining Where The Bears Are and the Golden Girls. We saw grizzly macho blokes strutting up and down the street and old folk scooting around on segways. Brilliant. Oh Blanche! Once checked in, we headed to the pool area on the roof to catch the last couple of hours of sun – and an early night (we’re so rock n roll).
Most days were spent at the beach and as the week went on we found ourselves postponing the planned cultural day-trip to Barcelona and spending all our time on the beach; we started at the gay/bear beach opposite our hotel before heading to Balmins nudist Beach later, childishly (and rather fittingly) we renamed ‘Bell-end Beach’. It was crazy busy and there were no sun beds so we found a spot to lay our towels. Within the next couple of hours the masses arrived and there was no area of sand that remained uncovered. Towels appearing all around like a game of naked bear Tetris. Evenings were spent at restaurants and then frequenting a couple of the bars.
We quickly found we preferred the gay beach to the nude – ideal as it was on our hotel’s doorstep. We always tried to get to beach early to claim our front row beds, but one day, after getting to the beach early we were walled in by a dozen Americans who ordered the guy to create a new front row directly in front of us – we were conquered, and our journey to the sea now somewhat elongated as we had to walk around them. I’m not sure if it was their incessant vacuous shout-talking or the abundance of sissy southerners and their sibilances that bellied the notion of bears being strong masculine burly guys.
We had a fantastic time; the beach and sea were lovely and our hotel was great (La Nina) a great improvement on the squat we stayed at last time. We found a favourite restaurant called La Santa Maria (Big Al’s was a close second – that waiter, phwoar!), and decided to eat there a few times – their paella is incredible!
On one occasion though an obnoxious couple were sitting at the table next to us – in 40 mins, she had four cigarettes and he slowly smoked a Havana Cigar – choking everyone else in the restaurant. They didn’t exchange a word. I could see in her eyes, her wishing that his dick was half as fat as his cigar. However it did lead to conversation and bonding of those all around.
Then, the holiday ended as it began – yes, an early night!
On the last morning we overslept – alarm malfunction (i.e., I fucked up) so we missed breakfast, threw our packing together and then ensued a mad dash to the airport. We arrived exhausted and slightly panicked to find the flight was delayed. Perfect!